When I Think of Sex...
Main Point of Discussion:
To give family members (primarily your children, assuming you’ve already had “the talk” with them) an opportunity to share their feelings about sex and consider God’s plan for sex.
Vital Info Before You Get Started:
(The following should help you contextualize this important issue so you can have a great discussion about it with your kids.)
- Obviously this discussion is appropriate only if you’ve discussed sex with your children. If you have younger children who don’t know about sex just yet, perhaps you can arrange for time alone with your older children to have this discussion.
- You might want to open things up with an “Agree-Disagree” exercise.
Designate one side of the room as the “agree side” and the other side as the “disagree side.” Have everyone walk to the sides of the room they believe are correct, showing whether they agree or disagree, in response to the following statements. (NOTE- When going through the agree/disagree statements, don’t be afraid to ask "Why?" on a few of the statements…)
ANOTHER NOTE- you might want to write down the score of Agrees/Disagrees for reference!
A real woman should...
A D - always wear dresses.
A D - always cry during sad movies.
A D - get revenge when wronged.
A D - gossip about her experiences with men.
A D - wait for men to open the door.
A D - have sex whenever it is offered to her and she wants it.
A D - have sex after a certain time period in a relationship.
A D - finish having sex with a guy even if she changes her mind and doesn't want to anymore.
A D - feel obligated to have sex with a man if he buys her expensive things and tells her he loves her.
A D - have sex with someone she loves.
A D - wait to have sex until she is married.
A real man should...
A D - like sports.
A D - not cry.
A D - get revenge when wronged.
A D - brag about his experiences with women.
A D - open doors for women.
A D – have sex whenever it is offered to him and he wants it.
A D - expect sex after a certain time period in a relationship.
A D - finish having sex with a woman even if she changes her mind and doesn't want to anymore.
A D - always stop when a woman says no.
A D - have sex with someone he loves.
A D - wait to have sex until he is married.
Three Simple Questions:
Q: What did this agree-disagree exercise tell us?
Q: How do you suppose we—as serious Christ-followers—should react to our responses?
Q: How can we move from healthy, Bible-based opinions about men and women and sex to actually living out those opinions?
Where to Take It from Here:
Wherever it feels natural. If these questions lead to a longer discussion on the topic, wonderful! (There’s a guide just after this paragraph that helps you do just that.) If your kids are barely uttering grunts, don’t get discouraged—the next time it feels right, keep engaging them.
For Deeper Discussion: (If your kids seem into diving in deeper, the following discussion guide can help take you there.)
CLICK HERE if you want to look at a quick training article on small groups and drawing questions out of young people—you may find much of the information applicable as you go through this subject with your family members.
Above all, don’t appear as if you have a “canned” discussion in your head and rattle off questions like a teacher giving a pop quiz—your kids get enough of that in school. This is a guide,
primarily—not a verbatim script. Just familiarize yourself with the content here and start a conversation in the most natural, unforced way you know how.
More Discussion Questions:
- HAVE ALL YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS ANSWER: In what ways do girls manipulate guys? In what ways do guys manipulate girls?
- ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What do girls really want in a relationship? Do they want sex?
- ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: What do guys want in a relationship? Do they expect the same or more from their girlfriends/wives?
- ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Movies today, people today, condom companies today, say sex is a leisure activity that you should enjoy. For those who believe in sex before marriage, are there any consequences? (Parent—possible answers you may be looking for: diseases, pregnancy, broken hearts, difficulty keeping marriage vows because of the habit of sleeping with many, loss of the special gift that a husband and wife have together with no one else)
Read the following verses from the Bible:
ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: The Bible is clear that premarital sex is wrong. Is that hard to hear? Why or why not?
ASK A FEW FAMILY MEMBERS: Sometimes, even if people decide to wait for sex until marriage, they don’t live up to that promise. Very often they will say, “It was just too difficult!” Or, “It was like trying to put out a raging fire!” What situations should we avoid that might get ourselves into this “point of no return?” (Parent—answers you may be looking for: Being alone in a house with a guy or girl, receiving a back rub)
HAVE ALL YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS ANSWER: What things can we do this week to make sure that we’re not crossing any sexual lines we shouldn’t cross?
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not you own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”
1 Thessalonians 4:3-8
“It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality: that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.”
Sex is a great thing—the way God intended it, that is.
But saying that sex is great “God’s way” angers many people who think that we should be free to have sex the way we want, not just “God’s way.” They say, “If we are in love with someone, what better way to express it than to ‘make love’? Why does there have to be rules? Is God so stingy and mean that he would deprive us of this? Rules are no fun!”
Take a minivan, for instance. What’s it good for? It’s good for this: loading up a family and a dog, backing out of your garage, and scooting down the road toward the grocery store. As you exit the grocery store you load your groceries into the rear of the minivan, load your family back into the van, check that all safety restraints are fastened, and drive safely back home where you pull into the garage, unload groceries, kids, and your dog, close the garage door, and proceed back into your house to resume your life. That’s what a mini-van helps you do.
But what if when I drove my minivan down the street, looked to the right, and then noticed a curb—and on the other side of the curb was a steep embankment leading down to a muddy field below which attracts four-wheelers from all over. Let’s say I decided, “Hey, I want to go four wheeling!” So I yank the steering wheel to the right, swerve off the road, hit the curb and drop down the rocky path toward the bottom. As the car bounces down the hill, raising dust and debris the whole way, my front fender hits some rocks and falls off, getting dragged underneath the car. The mirror hits a branch and hangs loosely, and the minivan starts to slide sideways, finally flipping the rest of the way down the hill. As the car lands on its side, I crawl out of the broken windshield and look at the minivan. It’s crumpled like a raison. Its bumper is gone, both mirrors are broken, only one window remains, and the drive shaft has fallen off.
People stopped and looked down the embankment past the settling dust at the crumpled minivan at the bottom of the hill. They yelled, “What did you swerve off the road for?”
I yelled back up to them, “Because I wanted to go four wheeling in my minivan!”
They yelled back to me, “You are an idiot!”
I yelled back, “What? Are you saying there are rules for what I can and can’t do with my minivan? Can’t I drive off a cliff if I want to? Why are there rules?”
God has given us a wonderful gift to enjoy—the gift of sex. He gave it to us as an awesome thing that we can share in a marriage. It’s fun. It feels great. It makes us feel closer to the one we love. But when we exploit this gift—when we use it in a way that it wasn’t intended—then consequences result. If we think we can just do whatever we want, be prepared: we might me headed for a wreck!
Everyone close your eyes for a few seconds. I want you to picture this world for a minute. You know what the world looks like. There’s a lot of craziness around: murders, hunger, wars, sicknesses, fighting, break-ups, deaths . . . the list goes on. Well, I want you to picture this same world—still with murders, hunger, wars, sicknesses, fighting, break-ups, deaths—but with one change: EVERYONE BELIEVES AND FOLLOWS GOD’S PLAN FOR MARRIAGE.
That’s right. Picture this world right now. Everyone believes God’s way. So you find the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with and enjoy sex for the first time with that person and for the rest of your life. No cheating, only loyalty.
Picture how different this world would be with this one change. First of all, there is no divorce. Mom would stay with Dad, Dad with Mom. No Dad cheating on Mom, no Mom cheating on Dad. No family splits, no fatherless children because of infidelity.
This world would have no prostitution, either, because each person is committed to his or her spouse—and there’s no need to go outside of marriage.
This world would have no pornography. If people are happy with their spouses and saving themselves for their spouses, then they don’t need to indulge in false sexual satisfaction.
There would be no sexual abuse. No child abuse, no molestation of any kind…nothing! Everyone would enjoy sex with their spouses only.
There would be no rape. (Even though rape is an act of violence, it is also a sexual act.) All because people listen to God’s plan for marriage and sex.
Abortions would be reduced by 90% because more than 90% of abortions are executed outside of marriage—and since there would be no sex outside of marriage, those abortions wouldn’t happen.
What about all the sexually transmitted diseases? That’s right! They’d be gone, too. AIDS wouldn’t be spreading throughout the world. There would be no syphilis, no gonorrhea, no Chlamydia (the #1 cause of sterility in women), no Papilloma virus (the #1 cause of cervical cancer in women)…nothing!
The list goes on—everyone living and loving as families and friends.
So if people in this world would just try God’s plan for marriage, sex and relationships instead of their own plans, we would see a world without divorce, without family splits, without fatherless homes, without marital infidelity, without prostitution, without pornography, without sexual abuse, without molestation, without rape, without a huge percentage of abortions, and without sexually transmitted diseases. None of these! DOES GOD’S WAY SOUND SO BAD? Is there a chance that God knows what he’s doing—and we don’t?
See, a lot of us are trying things our own way and we end up hurt. Then we wonder why. The reason is simply this: God’s way is the best way!
Close in Prayer
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